Super Bowl Predictions

Cure Bowl – Orlando, Florida

The gumbo pot will be overflowing with crawdads, lobster tails, and two tiny shrimps named Tulane and Lafayette.  The cure to this creole consommé of crunchy crustaceans is Pepto-Bismol.  Tulane will stir the pot and simmer Louisiana-Lafayette's tadpole swimmer.

Green Wave over the Ragin' Cajun


New Mexico Bowl – Albuquerque, New Mexico

You can't spell Albuquerque without querque, and querque rhymes with turkey, and only a turkey would bet anything more than a dry piece of beef jerky on this game.  The Aggies will politely pouch the Mean Green, querque-styleUtah State over North Texas   

Boca Raton Bowl – Boca Raton, Florida

This is a magnificent, mid-major, marquee, matchup between the Conference USA champion (Alabama-Birmingham) and the Mid-American champion (Northern Illinois).  It's extremely difficult to predict, given the similarities of the teams, but if one had to guess - A warm-blooded Blazer would probably fare better than a thick-coated Husky in sultry, sunny South Florida. 

UAB Blazers over Northern Illinois Huskies


Hawaii Bowl – Honolulu, Hawaii

This game used to be played late on Christmas Eve, but it was moved to an earlier date to accommodate Santa's busy schedule.  It's a little known fact that Mr. Claus is a Hawaii fan.  The jolly old fat man often wears Hawaiian shirts during causal Fridays at his Christmas workshop.  On Donner, on Blitzen, on Rainbow Warriors.  Hawaii over Louisiana Tech    

Independence Bowl - Shreveport, Louisiana

If you thought crusty crustacean gumbo was unappetizing, just take a glance of this tasteless tilt between Duke and Temple.  It's a boring one, Shreveport got skunked, just a filler game that resembles gunk, useless junk.  Duke dunks Temple 

Cheez-It Bowl – Phoenix, Arizona  

Chester the Cheetah is the cheesiest cheese monger in the cheddar industry.  And, it's going to be tough to throw and catch the ball with greasy cheese puff powder on the player’s fingertips.  Advantage Cal - Since junk food is frowned upon in the Bay Area, the burly Bears of Berkley will have less cheese puff powder on their paws.  Cal over TCU             


Pinstripe Bowl – New York City, New York

The cold waters of the Northeast cause hurricanes to weaken and badgers burrow underground to avoid frigid temperature.  If the weather is frightful in the Big Apple, the results of this game may not be delightful, because both the Miami Hurricanes and Wisconsin Badgers will be less mightful. Be that as it may, Miami returns to its Big East roots and blankets the bland Badgers of the Big Ten.  Hurricanes over Wisconsin

Music City Bowl – Nashville, Tennessee

Purdue and Auburn are singing the blues in the Music City.  When Purdue blew out Ohio State, things looked up for the Boilermakers; until the following week when they were slayed by the sleek Spartans.  And Auburn started the season with high aspirations only to find themselves in constant desperation.  Since this game can't end in a tie - Auburn over Purdue

Redbox Bowl – Santa Clara, California   

Oregon vs. Michigan State… hmmm… it would probably more entertaining to rent Sharknado at the Redbox instead of watching this game.  Ducks over Spartans


Camping World Bowl – Orlando, Florida

This is a retro matchup of two former Big East teams that haven’t accomplished anything notable since they left the Big East.  The Syracuse seems to be rebounding from a skirmish with scurvy, while the Mountaineers are getting over their fear of heights.  Look for West Virginia to roll the Orange.  WVU over Syracuse     

Citrus Bowl – Orlando, Florida

It's common to see horses peacefully grazing on Kentucky bluegrass.  In Central Pennsylvania, folklore touts malicious mountain lions scavenging along the hillside.  Lions are more ferocious than horses.  Penn State over Kentucky    

Tax Slayer Bowl – Jacksonville, Florida

The only thing more taxing than tabulating taxes during tax season is prognosticating the Tax Slayer Bowl.  This season, Texas A&M cashed in on some capital gains against Arkansas and South Carolina, but had an accelerated depreciation against Alabama, Auburn, and LSU.  NC State lost equity to Clemson, Syracuse and Wake Forest, but the Pack did write-off Florida State and Virginia.  Too many things to itemize, let's keep it simple.  Texas A&M over NC State      


Rose Bowl - Pasadena, California

In his last hurrah, Urban Meyer becomes an urban legend.  As the sun sets, he will be carried off the field by his beloved Buckeyes with his head held high.  Ohio State over Washington 

Toilet Bowl – Anywhere, New Jersey

This mythical bowl pairs the two worst FBS teams of the season, Texas-El Paso (1-11) and San Jose State (1-11). In a high scoring game, both teams kept going for 2 points after each touchdown in the second half, but kept missing the conversion.  Finally, on the last drive of the game, San Jose opted to kick the extra point after scoring a touchdown for the tie, but they missed and lost the game.   Final Score: Texas-El Paso 72, San Jose State 71    


Fiesta Bowl – Glendale, Arizona

Last year, the Central Florida Golden Knights finished the season undefeated after beating a powerful SEC team in a major New Year's bowl.  After which, the Knights self-proclaimed themselves as National Champions!  This year, the Knights can repeat the same exact feat if they beat LSU.  Even though Central Florida's all-star quarterback won't play because of an injury, this is America, and we love the underdog.  Central Florida wins their second straight self-proclaimed National Title.  Upset Special – UCF over LSU    

Sugar Bowl – New Orleans, Louisiana

Georgia's cavalier bulldog would like to shear Texas' Longhorn steer.  It may appear the steer will not adhere to a shear and be a severe pain in the rear.  But to be clear, the cavalier bulldog will eventually veer with the appropriate gear, far and near, to shear the Longhorn steer as Georgia fans cheer and Texas fans jeer.  Here, here - Georgia spears Texas     


Cotton Bowl – Arlington, Texas

Clemson's superior southern speed is much, much faster than the old guard of Notre Dame.  Irish heads will be spinning, even while sober, watching the tenacious Tigers sprint circles around the groggy Golden Domers.  Notre Dame Fans will be hunched backed in saddest after this game.  Clemson over the Irish


Orange – Miami Gardens, Florida

Believe it or not, Oklahoma actually has a three-game winning streak against Alabama.  The Sooners tamed the Tide in the 2014 Sugar Bowl, and bested 'Bama in back to back seasons during 2002 and 2003.  And this year, Oklahoma's quarterback won the coveted Heisman Trophy over Alabama's quarterback.  Looks like 'Bama needs buck the trend sooner rather than later.  Tide over Sooners    


It's a tradition to watch college football on Saturdays in the Autumn.  My goal is to eventually see every Football Bowl Subdivision (FBS) team play in person.  I've seen 122 FBS teams play, and visited 113 stadiums across the country.  Currently, there are 130 FBS teams.  Thanks for visiting the website.  

See you at the Big Game!   


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Big Game Saturday Rankings

Deprived Group of Five

Top 5

1  Central Florida (American) 12-0

2  Fresno State (Mountain West) 11-2

3  Army (Independent) 10-2

4 Cincinnati (American) 10-2

5  Boise State (Mountain West) 10-3

The Group of Five refers to 5 conferences within the Football Bowl Subdivision (American Athletic, C-USA, MAC, Mountain West, and Sun Belt).  The winner of the Group of 5 receives the Skunk Trophy… because they always get skunked (snubbed/overlooked) by the College Football Playoff Committee.  

Updated 12/13/18


Lock of the Week - November 17

The pesky Pittsburgh Panthers flopped to start the season, getting stumped by Penn State and dumped by Central Florida.  But the feverous felines found their second wind and started to win.  Now, Pitt is in an unfamiliar forest and just needs to break the Wake to advance to the ACC championship game.  Pittsburgh’s whimsical winning streak will bring down the ACC championship ticket prices.  Lock - Pitt pops Wake Forest  

Lock of the Week - November 10

Currently, Central Florida is enjoying a 22-game winning streak.  Last week, the Golden Knights showed a chink in their armor when they gave up a ton of points to Temple.  The Knights won the battle roy-owl (aka Battle Royale with the Temple Owls), but dropped in the Playoff rankings.  This week, Central Florida will right their ship against Navy.  The Knights will protect their golden castle and won't let Navy's goat passed their watery moat.  Central Florida over Navy    

Lock of the Week - November 3rd

The Cajuns on the Louisiana Bayou are boiling up some spicy, hot gumbo.  While the gourmet chefs saute some roadkill possum with a store-bought apricot, they will find out the hard way that an elephant won't fit into their crockpot.  Bama’s enormous elephant will make Louisiana's jumbo shrimp look petite.  Bon appetit!  Alabama over LSU

Lock of the Week - October 27th

Scott Frost received a frosty welcome home when his Nebraska Cornhuskers lost the first six games of the season.  Some cranky critics even considered firing Frost before the first frost of the autumn arrived.  And it was a devastating frost, crippling the cream of the corn crop, worst start to a Nebraska season ever.  But the rising, morning sun is warming up the cornfields and the Huskers can still salvage a modest harvest.   Nebraska pops some corn against Bethune-Cookman.  Cornhuskers over Cookman

Lock of the Week - October 20th

As Halloween approaches - Frankenstein is prowling, Dracula is carousing, and wolves are howling.  Ghost and goblins haunt the air, witches fly in despair, goons put up a scare, while the Wolfpack of NC State is ready for a phantom warfare.  It will take a monster effort by the Pack to whack Clemson's haunting defensive attack in Death Valley.  In an unscarred skirmish, the Wolfpack's howl will be muffled to sound like a black cat's meow. 

Textile Bowl Prediction - Clemson over NC State

Ivy League Classic - October 13th

The Ivy League is a prestigious association of fine academic institutions.  A long time ago in a conference far, far away from the FBS, the Ivy was well known for top-tier football.  But when the 1970's rolled around, the league began to frown after all the talent left town.  This weekend, there will be a glimpse of past glory when Penn hosts Columbia.  The Quakers will shake, break and pound the Lions into a furry pancake.  Penn over Columbia             


Lock of the Week - October 6th

The Florida State Seminoles are sending smoke signals of distress.  Unfortunately for the Panhandle natives, a strong storm is a brewing just off their coastline.   Look for hurricane force winds and a drenching rain to extinguish the Seminoles’ fire. 

Miami Hurricanes over Florida State

Lock of the Week - Sept. 29

 The bad news Bears of Baylor are rebounding from an unbearably, embarrassing 2017 season.     And Army almost took that hill against Oklahoma last week… Lucky for the Sooners, there are no hills in Norman.  In any case, the bulimic bears will hibernate sooner than expected this season.  Oklahoma Sooners over Baylor Bears   


Lock of the Week - Sept. 22

The Syracuse Orange must be taking their Vitamin C, because they are looking healthy.  Last Saturday, orange groves in Florida received an unexpected frost when Syracuse beat Florida State.  The Orange are undefeated and currently sit atop the ACC standings... and that's not Pulp Fiction (i.e. fake sports news).  Upstate New York will be toasting orange juice again this Saturday when Syracuse toasts and coasts by Connecticut.  'Cuse over UConn 

Lock of the Week - Sept. 15

Thus far, the Texas Longhorns don't look very bullish, while the people betting on the USC Trojans to win a Championship look foolish.  But the season is still young and there is still a lot of playing to be done.  While the sluggish steer sleeps on a flat Texas prairie, Tommy Trojan will make a "cattle call" and use his sharp Spartan sword to serve up some scrumptious sirloin steak with a side of Texas toast!  Trojans over Texas  LOCK BUSTED  ):


Lock of the Week - Sept. 8th

The typically terrible Terrapins of Maryland got off to a quick start to the season… for a turtle.  But it's not easy being green.  Bowling Green seems to have dropped a bowling ball on their feet, making it extremely difficult to compete.  It seems kind of odd that the uniforms of Bowling Green and the Maryland turtle team aren't colored green.  In other news that nobody cares about, the grass is a little greener in Maryland.  Red Terrapins over Bowling Orange         

Opening Weekend Predictions

Size doesn't matter when Delaware plays Rhode Island, a contest between the two smallest States in the Republic.  Little Rhody will come up a tiny bit short against baby blue.  Blue Hens over Rams 

Who cares about the Lombardi Trophy!  The Mayor's Cup is on the line in the Cradle of Liberty when Temple hosts Villanova at the Philadelphia Eagles Stadium.  The all-time series is tighter than a seat on Septa during rush hour.  The Owls lead the series with 16 wins to Nova's 15 wins with two ties.  Temple beat the Cats by three points last year, but have since lost three key players to the Pros and cats have more than three lives.  

Upset Special - Wildcats tame Temple    


Forget flimsy fur babies, Furman is far more fragile.  It’s a short ride from Furman to Clemson, but the puny, paltry and pale Paladins should stay on the bus and save themselves from being humiliated.  Clemson thumbs and dumbs Furman    

It has been a disgraceful offseason for the Big Ten.  More drama than a daytime soap opera, the Commissioner is even thinking of changing the name of the Conference to the Big Scandal.  Quite ironic that Ohio State opens the season against a Beaver.  Even if Ohio State intentionally runs up the score and beats down the Oregon State Beavers, their coach will still deny any foul play.  Atrocious! OSU over OSU     


Appalachian State hikes north on the scenic Appalachian Trail.  Unfortunately, they will stub their toe while trying to trek through the narrow Nittany passage.  

Stone Cold Lock - Penn State over Appy


Auburn lost two straight games in Atlanta.  Dropping last year's SEC championship to Georgia, followed by being pruned like a tasteless macaroon in the Peach Bowl against Central Florida.  Now, the Tigers are back in town to play the Washington Huskies.  Maybe Auburn should get a better travel agent, because their third-straight jaunt to Atlanta will be redundant.  Washington over Aubie


Pass the moonshine, this matchup is divine.  West Virginia’s offense will run serpentine around Tennessee’s line, as Vol fans start to whine when their team falls behind.  The Mountaineers will be enshrined, while Tennessee declines.  

Mountaineers scale Rocky Top 


Papa John burnt several delicious pizza pies and now his Louisville Cardinals will be scorched and torched.  Alabama over Louisville

How do you sober up a drunken Irishman?  Easy, make them listen to one of Harbaugh's bizarre rants.  Actually, that may drive them to drink more.  But at least they will be happy drunks.  Notre Dame over Michigan      

College Football is way better than the NFL

The multi-millionaire professionals of the National Football League (NFL) have superior skills compared to the amateurs playing college football.  But what the collegiate kids lack in style, they make up for in heart and spirit.  The NFL is a bland corporation obsessed with printing their own money and forcing politics on the public.  College football is a youthful playground powered by pride and pageantry. 

Tradition - College football is fueled by little quirks and fun rituals, which unify quaint campuses across the country on game day.  Tenacious tigers rub a rock and run down a hill as they enter the field before kickoff at Clemson.  A giant buffalo tracks across the field in Boulder.  A wagon pulled by ponies dashes around the end zone after an Oklahoma score.  A real eagle soars around Auburn, and a flamboyant falcon flies over the Air Force Academy.  The Ohio State marching band dots the “i” during its script Ohio formation.  Boise’s field is blue and Eastern Washington’s turf is red.  Texas A&M fans link arms and legs and sway in unison at Aggie land.  At Penn’s Franklin Field, fans toast the team by throwing actual toast on the field.  Quirky college traditions dwarf the No Fun League (NFL). 

Colorado's Ralphie the Buffalo

Fun Fact - College football began in 1869; the National Football League began 51 years later in 1920.  The first Super Bowl was played in 1967, almost one hundred years after the first college game was played. 

Marching Bands - Live sounds of instrumental delight greet spectators at college games.  Complementing big plays, enlightening halftime, and filling empty voids during the stoppage of play, bands uplift spirits with joyful and jazzy jingles.  Games are a musical jubilee.  The NFL doesn’t march to the beat of different drummer, because they don’t have marching bands.  The dull air above a null NFL facility overflows with angry echoes of annoyed fans yelling aimlessly at overpaid ruffians, noises hardly appetizing to the ear.         

Ohio State Marching Band

Fanatical Fans - College fans are young at heart and family oriented.  A typical collegiate ballpark boasts a vibrant student section filled with youthful excitement and adrenaline.  The student section is a diverse social scene populated with several friendly female fans.  Plus, it’s common to see happy families in the general admission section, because many universities offer affordable ticket deals.  NFL stadiums are polluted with tons of grumpy old men that regret their life and are trying to get away from their wife.  They’re grumpy, because they took out a second mortgage to afford the major league ticket prices.

Every College Game Counts – A short 12-game FBS regular season mixed with only 4 playoff spots means every game has playoff ramifications.  If a team loses more than one game, chances of competing for a National Championship are greatly diminished.  But even if a team is eliminated from playoff contention, the team continues to play hard for a better bowl berth.  During the NFL’s supersizes season, teams can lose 6 or 7 games and still make a playoff run and compete for the Super Bowl.  That’s hardly super!

Weather - The college football regular season concludes in late November before the arrival of brutally cold weather.  Sure there are a couple chilly games played, but the gales of autumn feel like a tropical breeze compared to the blustery artic winds of January.  And most college post-season games are played in cozy domes or warm climates.  There’s always a dark cloud on the NFL’s horizon, because their long season lingers into frigid February.

Sun-soaked, beautiful day in Provo

Rivals - College sports claim more rivalry games, boasting bragging rights among neighbors. Rivalries in the NFL just aren’t the same.  For example, Dallas vs. Washington is historically the top NFL rivalry game.  But DC and Dallas are located roughly 1,350 miles apart, their local fan bases rarely ever interact given the distance.  On the other hand, college fan bases almost always overlap because of regional proximity: Alabama vs. Auburn, Ohio State vs. Michigan, Texas vs. Oklahoma, Florida vs. Florida State, Army vs. Navy, Stanford vs. Cal, UCLA vs. USC, Clemson vs. South Carolina, North Carolina vs. Duke, Kentucky vs. Louisville, Washington vs. Washington State, Oregon vs. Oregon State, BYU vs. Utah, Harvard vs. Yale, Lehigh vs. Lafayette, etc. The NFL manufactured rivalries by mandating divisional foes to play each other twice per season.  Whereas, Universities let regional rivals blossom naturally. 

Television Coverage – Numerous Saturday games are broadcasted on free TV; The SEC on CBS, Notre Dame on NBC, plus 3 to 4 national games on ABC and Fox.  Use the trusty television remote to flip between games during commercial breaks.  It’s an all-day football feast fit for the hungriest couch potato, a smash-mouth smorgasbord.  The NFL has a limited broadcast window.  Typically, towns only get 2 to 3 games per Sunday, not much variety.  

Better Mascots - Numerous universities have animals prancing and dancing around their sidelines.  An adorable Georgia Bulldog keeps cool in an air-conditioned dog house between lush green hedges.  A longhorn steer grazes in Austin.  South Carolina has a real rooster crowing in the stands, while Temple’s owl hoots in harmony with the fans.  Florida State, Southern Cal, Army and Virginia have equestrians riding houseback around the stadium.  A real tiger named Mike prowls around LSU.  Navy has a goat, UNC has a ram, and Arkansas has a ham.  Plus, the plush costume-wearing collegiate mascots interact with the fans.  They go into the stands for photo opportunities, and often times, fans can rush the field after a big win to get a quick pic with their furry friends.  There are no live animals on the NFL sidelines, it’s illegal for fans to rush a Pro field, and their snotty mascots rarely ever head into the stands to interact with the unappreciated crowd.   

Uga enjoying a dog-gone good view of the game

NFL players are bigger. But bigger isn’t always better.  Overgrown Pro players never engage in an entertaining triple-option formation and captivating trick plays, because offensive players would get maliciously mangled by massive defensive thugs.  In college football, the play book is wide open, anything can happen, and trick plays are more common given the smaller players.  Amateur football is unpredictable, exciting, and therefore better!    

Advent of the Conference Championship

Thousands of enthusiastic spectators annually flock to Atlanta, Georgia to witness the proud pageantry of the South Eastern Conference (SEC) championship game.  Historic powerhouses collide in a stunning spectacle to determine the finest college football team in the Southeast.  With all the comradery associated with this great gridiron tradition, it's almost impossible to fathom the conference championship game originated from a humble beginning.

SEC always draws a good crowd for their conference championship game

In 1986, the Pennsylvania State Athletics Conference (PSAC) was comprised of 14 Division II institutions.  The PSAC was a quintessential geographic association; similar-minded schools located within the friendly confines of the Keystone State.  But even though the members were nicely nestled close together, the Western Pennsylvania teams rarely played the Eastern Pennsylvania teams.  It was mathematically impossible for all 14 teams to play each other in a 10-week season.  Given the schedule limitations, Pennsylvania sportswriters determined the conference champion at the end of the season.  But having sportswriters nominate a champion was as subjective as Punxsutawney Phil’s weather prediction on Groundhog Day.  A true champion earns its merits on the field. 

One morning, the sleepy suburban borough of West Chester awoke to a brilliant idea.  The PSAC Commissioner (Todd Eberle) and the Athletic Director of West Chester University (Dick Yoder) proposed the idea of staging a conference championship game.  The PSAC would divide into 2 divisions, east and west.  And the season would culminate with the divisional winners competing against each other in a conference championship game. 

Initially, the PSAC's proposal specified a league must have a minimum of 14 members in order to stage the contest.  However the Central Intercollegiate Athletic Association (CIAA) found the PSAC's idea quite intriguing.  But, the CIAA only had only 12 members.  To accommodate the CIAA, the original plan was tweaked to include conferences with 12 members as well.  The PSAC sent their proposal to the National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA) for approval.

Because a Division II conference made the pitch, the request fell under the radar with little fanfare.  Back then, the proposal didn't affect any of the major college football teams, none of the Division I-A conferences had more than 10 members.  Therefore, the proposal passed without a hitch.  The conference championship concept was approved by the NCAA in 1987.  The PSAC commissioner dubbed the new bylaw as, "the little rule in the back of the rule book."  But the new rule was about to have an enormous impact on big time college football.             

In 1990, the 10 members of the SEC invited Arkansas and South Carolina to join their fruitful fraternity.  Then, the new 12-team SEC used the "little rule" to their advantage and staged a lucrative season finale.  The SEC championship game gained momentum over the years.  Massive amounts of profit rolled in from the event.  As a result, other conferences decided to jump on the prosperous bandwagon.  Currently, every FBS conference has a championship game. 

The grass is greener in Atlanta. The SEC championship game garners $16 million per year. It’s the Super Bowl of the South!  Ironically, the humble origin of the conference championship concept sits hidden in the hills of Pennsylvania. The PSAC championship game fetches a mere $3,400 per year.  That’s not even enough money to rent a luxury box suite at the SEC championship game.  


West Chester beat Slippery Rock in the 2018 PSAC championship game


The Future of College Football

2218 was a great year for college football.  The North thrived from yet another climate change.  The average daily temperature was a pleasant seventy five degrees Fahrenheit.  Recruits flocked to the Northeast for the beautiful weather and revived dormant programs like St. Bonaventure, Buffalo and Providence.  Syracuse, West Virginia and Pittsburgh begged and pleaded to rejoin the highly successful Big East Conference, but they were denied.  As a result, those schools were downgraded to R2-D2, the equivalent of today’s Division 2.  After 200 straight losing seasons, Penn State finally became competitive again once Joe Paterno was reappointed as the head coach.  Prior to passing away, Joe was frozen in a carbonite block.  Joe’s assistants wheeled his Popsicle shell around the sidelines, while he called the plays by using ESP. 

Millions of people flocked away from the Sun Belt States, because of the region’s excessive rainfall amounts.   Few recruits were willing to play in the daily downpours that plagued the South since 2171.  Most of the schools in the Southeast and Texas downgraded their programs to C-3PO, the equivalent of today’s Division 3.  The Big-53 (formally known as the Big-12), ACC, SEC and PAC-Man were forced to dissolve. 

The only remaining southern powers were Alabama, Clemson, Florida Gulf Coast, and Old Dominion.  Each school built a dome over their campus and competed in the Arena Football League.  Their strategy worked. The Crimson Cockatoos, Orange Cats, Doves and Pudding Pops were able to lure blue chip recruits and continued to compete at a high level.  Auburn tried to build a dome over their campus, unfortunately their roof crumbled down.  Nobody was injured, but Auburn’s campus was totally demolished.        


View from a Clemson dorm room, 2218

As a side note, a devastating tsunami hit the great Yellowhammer State in 2059, tidal flooding stretched all the way up to Muscle Shoals.  The horrific storm prompted the Alabama Crimson Tide to change their team name.  This spurred the “make mascots more peaceful” movement of the 2060s, which compelled other schools to rename their team after nonviolent figures. 

On the West Coast, the state of California finally broke off from the continental US and floated into the South Pacific Ocean.  Teams like UCLA, Southern Cal, Stanford, Cal, San Diego State and Fresno State had a hard time recruiting because of their remote location.  Therefore, many of the Californian teams weren’t very competitive.  But, Hawaii and San Jose State became bitter rivals, given their campuses were only 10 nautical miles apart.

In North Dakota, college football boomed, much like their local economy.  During the Great Palladium Rush of 2149, fossil fuel was discovered in Fargo.  North Dakota became the world’s largest oil supplier, and the price of gas dropped to only $178.95 per gallon.  Fargo quickly expanded into the country’s largest city, and North Dakota State University built an enormous stadium capable of holding three hundred thousand fans.  Business was so good that Notre Dame, Michigan, Nebraska, Tulsa, Arizona State and Oklahoma relocated their campuses to Fargo.  And, Notre Dame changed their name from the Fighting Irish to the Jolly Green Drunks.  

Fargo's Skyline, 2218 

Ivy League schools reemerged to national dominance, ever since they dropped their academic standards.  In 2129, several professors from every Ivy League school tried to clone female gorillas.  The experiment backfired and produced millions of annoying “Snookies” (an extinct orange creature that once inhabited the Jersey Shore).  The horrible mishap disaccredited all the Ivy League schools.  Their institutions regressed to Community College status.  Harvard took advantage of the situation and recruited corrupt players; their team was similar to the 1980’s Miami Hurricanes.        

Several universities in the Midwest, Rocky Mountains and Pacific Northwest continued to thrive and new rivalries emerged.  Boise Province vs. Idaho International was an intense rivalry game.  Idaho seceded from America in 2188, but their institutions still competed in the NERD, the equivalent of today’s NCAA. The grandest Midwestern rivalry game was Wisconsin vs. Marquette; followed by Ohio State vs. Eastern Michigan.  Seattle Maritime (formally known as the University of Washington) vs. Montana Bear Research College was a fine rivalry, as was the annual game between Colorado Woodwork College and Oregon Beaver Inspection Institute.  Since there was world peace, the military schools disbanded and the Army vs. Navy game was no longer existent. 

Amid all the changes, college football still did not adopt a successful playoff system.  And, several bowls were struggling to attract fans.  The Crater Bowl on Mars didn’t draw a good crowd, mainly because human-alien relations were strained after the Giant Alien Emperor of Pluto used the Statue of Liberty as a suppository.  The All-American Bowl in Toronto (America seized Canada in 2176) wasn’t successful either, even though Alaska Tech and Newfoundland State played a topnotch game.  The Toilet Bowl was discontinued, because Notre Dame fans didn’t travel well anymore.

Fans from Temple (front row) & Mars (back row) at the inaugural Crater Bowl, 2218 

The Atlantis Fish Bowl was played in the newly discovered underwater city of New Orleans, and attracted a sellout crowd of dolphins.  As a side effect of North Korea’s secret offshore nuclear bomb testing in 2025, dolphins evolved into a highly intelligent species that could walk and talk.  Students within a school of dolphins had higher SAT scores than the average public school student. 

The Championship game was played during the Chinese New Year in February, since China owned every stadium in the free galaxy.  The game remained a strong part of American culture.  As a matter of fact, the Villanova Tame Kittens’ stunning upset victory against the Rice (Beijing campus) Peaceful Pandas received the second highest 4-D television rating of the millennium, just behind the 2148 World Series of Water Polo.            

2218 Final Rankings

1)   Villanova 15-0

2)   Rice (Beijing) 14-1

3)   North Dakota State 12-2

4)   Harvard Community College 12-2

5)   Nova Scotia School of Dolphins  11-3

6)   Saskatchewan State 11-3

7)   West Chester (Pennsylvania) 12-2

8)   La Salle 12-2     

9)   Delaware Tech 10-4

10)  Oklahoma 11-3

11)  Clemson 11-3                                     

12)  Alabama 10-4                      

Mickey Mouse is killing College Football

The magical mouse of Disney World portrays an image of bright, whimsical delight.  But don’t be fooled by the light-hearted sight of the round-eared socialite, for the devious rodent is covering up a much darker plight. 

The Walt Disney Company owns the American Broadcast Network (ABC) as well as the Entertainment and Sports Programming Network (ESPN).  Disney is a multi-billion dollar corporation.  ESPN and ABC are merely puppets in Disney’s extremely profitable play.

ESPN broadcasts more college football games than any other network and monopolizes the postseason.  37 of the 41 bowls aired on ESPN-affiliated channels.  The College Football Playoff and signature bowl games like: the Rose, Sugar, Orange, Cotton, Fiesta and Peach are only available in households that pay for cable television.  The bunny-ear antennas that once sat atop the tube to gather free TV have been replaced by greedy mouse-ears charging outrageously high monetary fees.   

The Playoff has been losing viewers since its advent. ESPN’s inaugural TV ratings in January 2015 garnered 33.4 million people, whereas the Playoff in January 2017 only attracted 19.8 million people, according to the Nielsen Ratings. As more Americans cut the cord and cancel their cable service, the bright spotlight of college football’s grandest spectacle continues to dim.  The rich executives at Disney need to loosen their strangle hold on the sport and give more fans an opportunity to see the Playoffs on free TV.  Ratings will skyrocket by screening games over the air on ABC, and Disney will still make a killing on profitable commercial advertisements.  As a side note, the National Championship game should have an earlier kickoff time, 8:00 PM Eastern Time on a weeknight is too late to start a four-hour game.         

Speaking of commercials, football is getting dragged through the dirt by endless TV timeouts.  In an era of shorter attention spans, it’s imperative to minimize the broadcast time of sporting events.  Every network tries to stretch out their programming, but Disney makes Stretch Armstrong look inflexible.  For example - On November 12th, 2016, three games kicked off at 3:30 on the three national networks; Army played Notre Dame on NBC, Auburn played Georgia on CBS, while Clemson played Pitt on ABC.  NBC’s game took 3 hours and 10 minutes to complete.  CBS’ game took 3 hours and 23 minutes to play.  Disney’s gem took a whopping 4 hours and 2 minutes to finish four quarters.  Hopefully the fans at Clemson sneaked a sandwich into the stands, because four hours is a long time to be stuck sitting on uncomfortable metal bleachers without a snack.  Furthermore, every eight o’clock Saturday night game on ABC seems to last until midnight Eastern Time.

More is less when factoring supply and demand.  Disney should speed up the game by airing less commercial breaks, counteractively charging more for the limited advertising slots.  Shorter game times would increase interest as viewers would be more inclined to watch an entire event instead of just catching bits and pieces. 

Mickey Mouse’s bleak, high-pitched, squeak needs a tweak.  Instead of hiding games on cable TV, Disney needs to act as an ambassador and reach out to a larger audience.  They need to broadcast more games on ABC with fewer commercial breaks.  Otherwise, Mickey is just acting Goofy.       

Best Rivalries

Army vs. Navy
Alabama vs. Auburn
Michigan vs. Ohio State
Oklahoma vs. Texas
Florida vs. Florida State
Notre Dame vs. Southern Cal
Clemson vs. South Carolina 
Harvard vs. Yale 
California vs. Stanford 
Lafayette vs. Lehigh (oldest college rivalry)
Minnesota vs. Wisconsin (oldest FBS rivalry)
Southern Cal vs. UCLA 
Florida vs. Georgia
Florida State vs. Miami
Alabama vs. Tennessee 
Florida vs. Tennessee
Oregon vs. Oregon State
Baylor vs. TCU
Arizona vs. Arizona State
Washington vs. Washington State
Virginia vs. Virginia Tech
Indiana vs. Purdue
Michigan vs. Michigan State
Oklahoma vs. Oklahoma State
BYU vs. Utah 
Georgia vs. Georgia Tech
Ole Miss vs. Mississippi State
Louisville vs. Kentucky
Auburn vs. Georgia 
Illinois vs. Northwestern
Duke vs. North Carolina
Kansas vs. Kansas State
Iowa vs. Iowa State
Colorado vs. Colorado State
North Carolina vs. NC State
Cincinnati vs. Miami (OH)
Central Florida vs. South Florida 
New Mexico vs. New Mexico State
Bowling Green vs. Toledo 
Akron vs. Kent State
Montana vs. Montana State
Grambling vs. Southern 
Louisiana-Lafayette vs. Louisiana-Monroe
Florida Atlantic vs. Florida International
Randolph-Macon vs. Hampden-Sydney
Amherst vs. Williams 
DePauw vs. Wabash 

There's nothing better than watching
college football on a crisp autumn afternoon

Yale once dominated college football

Putting the foot back into football

Goal Line Stand
January 1st, 1979 Sugar Bowl
Alabama 14, Penn State 7

Some teams traveled by train in the old days

On November 7th, 1896, Auburn students greased the train tracks around their local
station. When Georgia Tech's train arrived for the game, it was unable to stop on the slick tracks and skidded five miles past the train station. The Yellow Jackets had to walk back to town for the game and fell to Auburn by a score of 45-0

One of the Best Teams Ever

In 1899, the Sewanee Tigers football team won all 12 of their games. Five of those wins, all shutouts, came in a six-day period while on a 2,500-mile train trip against: Texas, Tulane, Texas A&M, LSU and Ole Miss. 

The Play

November 20th, 1982, California ran back a kick in the final seconds of the game for the win, as Stanford's band prematurely took the field in celebration. 

College football reigns supreme in Texas...
and that's no bull!

Ralphie the Buffalo of Colorado  

Welcome to Aggie Land
Home of the 12th Man

USC cheerleaders are the pride of LA

Irish Eyes are smiling in South Bend

Clemson and Florida State are
the cream of the ACC crop

Sailing on Lake Washington
before an exciting Huskies game

Script Ohio dotting the 'i'

The Iowa State Cyclone is always smiling

On the road to another great game



             Best Programs

2Notre Dame914324420.73
3TOhio State898324530.72
8Penn State878387410.69
 Mount Union784386380.66
14West Virginia742493450.60
15Virginia Tech737466460.61
 Wash. & Jefferson735390400.65
16Texas A&M732477480.60
18Georgia Tech728496430.59
 North Dakota St.709371340.6
 Pittsburg State703348470.7

Mid-Major Showdown

The dust has settled on the conference realignment carousel for the time being.  As a result, the WAC got bushwhacked, Big East football morphed into mid-major melting pot and was renamed the American Athletic Conference, numerous longtime rivalries vanished, and stadium attendance plunged faster than Facebook stock.  On the flipside, sport networks like ESPN and the Big Ten channel greatly benefited from the conference shuffle.  In turn, those sport networks rewarded several lucky schools with new television contracts worth millions of dollars. 

But all is not lost for the lame ducks stuck amuck in a mid-major glut.  The Mountain West and American Athletic should take advantage of their mediocre status by having their conference champions meet in a postseason bowl.    

Having the Mountain West and American Athletic champions play each other would settle bragging rights as to which conference is the best of the rest, masters of the middle class.  Plus, there must be bad blood between the urban city slickers and the rustic mountain folks, given both leagues were in a fierce tug-of-war battle over the beefy blue Broncos of Boise.  The best way to settle that animosity is on the gridiron.   

There are several prime locations to play the game.  The Liberty Bowl once hosted a similar matchup between the Mountain West and Conference USA champions.   The historic Cotton Bowl Stadium (not to be confused with Jerry World’s billion dollar palace) is located smack dab in the middle of enemy territory.  Or, the game could be rotated between the East Coast (Tampa, Jacksonville or Orlando) and the Western Frontier (Albuquerque, Las Vegas or San Diego).

Winners of Conference USA and the MAC or Sun Belt could form a similar bowl alliance.  Currently, the highest rated team from the Group of Five (American, C-USA, Mountain West and Sun Belt) will earn a berth in a major bowl under the new post season model.  For example, if Boise State finished the season as the highest ranked non-automatic qualifier team, the Broncos would be bound for a major bowl (Fiesta, Cotton, etc).  Therefore, this proposed bowl could feature the second ranked Mountain West team against the best American team.  Or the conference champion from C-USA, MAC or Sun Belt could be substituted in for the Mountain West if deemed a better match-up. 

There may be some down years for the smaller leagues, which may translate into a poor matchup here or there.  But surely, there will be several great years when this mid-major masterpiece trumps many major bowls.                  

 Big Decision

UPDATE 10/18/16 - The wise Big 12 scholars still can't count and voted not to expand.  The dysfunctional Big 12 Conference will consist of 10 teams for the foreseeable future.   Thus, the story below is obsolete.  

Apparently the Big 12 Commissioner doesn’t know how to count, because there are only 10 teams in the Big 12 Conference.  But the Commish may get a crash course on basic arithmetic. The University Presidents of Oklahoma and West Virginia, members of the Big 12’s expansion committee, are in favor of adding teams to the Conference.    

Oklahoma’s President said, “The Big 12 is disadvantaged when compared to the other conferences in three ways. We do not have at least twelve members, we do not have a conference network, and we do not have a championship game. I think that all three of these disadvantages need to be addressed at the same time.”  Furthermore, West Virginia’s President publically plugged, “I’m in favor of expansion.”

Given the new NCAA rule change, Bowl Subdivision Conferences only need 10 teams to hold a Championship game.  Could Oklahoma and West Virginia be crying sour grapes in hopes to get out of their strict grant of media rights agreement with the Big 12?  Possibly!  But, assuming they are serious about expansion - What schools would be the best expansion targets? 




The big boys in the Big Ten (another conference that can’t count), SEC, ACC, and Pac-12 (a conference that can count) wouldn’t leave their secure and lucrative paychecks to join the volatile Big 12.  However, outside of the Power Conferences, sits the low-lying blossoming fruits of the American Athletic and Mountain West Conferences just waiting to be plucked.  While there is no slam-dunk candidate, below are the most realistic expansion options: 

Cincinnati Bearcats – Cincy would create a bridge between West Virginia and the rest of the Big 12 members located on the windy Plains of America’s Heartland.  Cincinnati is a major city with a large media market.  The downside of Cincinnati is the Bearcats’ fan base and stadium is relatively small compared to Texas and Oklahoma standards. 

Central Florida Golden Knights / South Florida Bulls – Adding a team from Florida would tap into the Sunshine State’s massive pipeline of talented football recruits.  Central and South Florida have large student enrollments and are located in prosperous metropolitan areas.  The only question is - which team has more potential?  Central Florida beat Baylor in the Fiesta Bowl a few years ago, and has a nice on-campus stadium.  South Florida plays in a professional stadium.  The only downside is Florida is located far away from the Midwestern Plains.         

Brigham Young Cougars – BYU is a storied program with a proud tradition of excellent, a large stadium, and a huge Mormon following.  The Cougars even won the college football National Championship in 1984.  But, the Cougars aren’t allowed to play sports on Sundays, which may be an issue for Olympic sports scheduling (basketball, baseball, soccer, etc.).  Additionally, West Virginia to Provo, Utah is a long cross-country hike.

Houston Cougars – An up-and-coming program, which just beat Florida State in the Peach Bowl.  If you’re going to play in Texas, you got to have a fiddle in the band.  Houston, we have a problem!  The Big 12 already has four fiddles in the band (Baylor, TCU, Texas, Texas Tech).  Typically, conferences expand into new media markets to increase exposure and television revenue.  Like Houston, other Texas teams hoping to bump up (SMU, Rice, UTEP, UTSA, and Texas State) will likely be snubbed as well.

Connecticut Huskies – UConn could open some eyes in the nearby New York market.  Plus, Connecticut has a dynamic basketball program.  But, the Huskies forgot how to mush on the gridiron.    

Boise State Broncos – The beefy, blue Broncos of Boise boast three feisty Fiesta Bowl victories.  Pretty impressive for a parvenu potato program, but the spud stops there.  Boise isn’t a major media market and is fairly remote.  Plus, the stands surrounding the blue tater turf are half-baked (not a large stadium).  Boise is a hot potato still waiting to be buttered up. 

Memphis Tigers – Like Cincinnati, Memphis would link West Virginia to the rest of the Big 12.  And, the Tennessee locale would open up some fertile recruiting ground in the Southeast.  But, Memphis football doesn’t have a strong tradition of winning.  Therefore, fans may be singing the blues in Graceland if passed up.                

Navy Midshipmen – The doughboys need a tugboat to navigate into the expansion harbor. The Naval Academy has a strict admission process, high academic standards, and a weight restriction on students.  Given the stern rules, the Middies are still very combative on the gridiron.  Similar criterion applies for the Air Force Falcons and Army Cadets, which may keep these prestigious programs out of this classified operation.       

San Diego State Aztecs – The Big 12 could stay classy, and expand into San Diego.  The Aztec Village is located in the rich and fertile recruiting grounds of California, far away from the dusty Plains of America’s heartland.  Fresno State would also open up a new frontier in the West, but it may be best to stick with teams closer to the home nest in the Midwest.   

Temple Owls – This could be a longshot, given Temple’s relatively short stint of success.  But, Philadelphia is the 4th largest US television market, and the Owls play at a large professional stadium.  Their future may grow exponentially if given another opportunity at the big time.   

Colorado State Rams - Whenever in doubt, ram it.  The Colorado Buffalos used to graze in the Big 12, and Colorado State could take the Buff’s position on the snowcapped mountaintop.  Colorado State is building a brand new on-campus stadium. However, the Rams lack the tradition possessed by their intrastate rival.       

Nevada-Las Vegas Running Rebels / Nevada Wolfpack – Nevada would be a new market.  But, it’s unlikely the Silver State would get a bigtime offer, given sports gambling is legal there.

Tulane Green Wave - Located in the Cajun party town of New Orleans, Tulane would be a nice tourist destination for Big 12 fans.  And the Big Easy would be an easy place for visiting Big 12 football teams to pick up an stress-free victory over the Wave.  Tulane once played in the SEC, but has since regressed to mediocrity and their viewership is dwarfed by neighboring LSU.    


Bring in the Billiken

The St. Louis Rams bolted for sunny Southern California, vacating the 66,000-seat capacity Edwards Jones Dome.  River City is best known for steamboats sailing on the mighty Mississippi waterway, cardinals shagging flies on bright summer days, and Budweiser Clydesdales parading around the grand archway.  Football also reigned supreme, when the Rams were known as the “greatest show on turf.”  Rather than cry into a half-empty Bud Light bottle over the Ram’s departure, St. Louis stewards should rekindle some past gridiron glory. 

Enter St. Louis University (SLU), a fine Catholic college with an enrollment of 13,505 students and an enormous endowment of 1.027 billion dollars.  While SLU doesn’t currently field a football team, the Billikens did play football from 1899 to 1949.  They even completed three undefeated seasons during their playing days in 1901, 1904, 1906.  The bulky Billikens boasted big bragging rights by throwing the first legal pass in college football history on September 5, 1906, against Carroll College. 

When several major Midwestern schools expanded their stadiums in the late 40’s and early 50’s, SLU was confined to a cramp campus footprint in the city.  Their campus didn’t have enough space for a supersized stadium.  In turn, the Billikens were unable to compete with their rivals’ ever growing football facilities.  SLU opted to drop football as a result.  But the Jesuit’s jammed locale is now a blessing.  The University is located within two miles of the vacant Edwards Jones Dome.  Considering the Dome isn’t a home to anyone anymore, not even a garden gnome, why let it sit alone?  Turn on the lights and fill the stands with enthusiastic college fans.  Bump up the Billikens!    

The Lou is the largest US media market without a Division 1 football team.  Start at the Division 1 - Football Championship Subdivision level.  The Missouri Valley Conference would be a perfect fit.  If SLU is successful on the field and draws in the community, then surely the Mid-American or Conference-USA would promote the brilliant Billikens to rejoice in the profitable Football Bowl Subdivision.  The sky is the limit for St. Louie; given a large media market, existing professional practice facilities and stadium.  After decades of success, maybe SLU could secure a lucrative spot with the Big 12 or Big Ten, and the Dome would fill to the brink.

The Rams’ migration back to their native San Gabriel Mountain Range was inevitable.  It’s time to morph the greatest show on turf and attract a new team that will never ever leave.  It’s time to make a call to the bullpen and bring in the Billiken!   

  The Big East gets the Latest Laugh

The Big East Conference is a basketball-oriented league comprised of ten similar-minded private colleges: Butler, Creighton, DePaul, Georgetown, Marquette, Providence, St. John’s, Seton Hall, Villanova, and Xavier.  Some of the schools are small (Providence and Butler have around 4,000 students) while others stand tall (St. John’s and DePaul have enrollments of over 20,000 students).  Irrespective to their draw, they all know how to play ball, with the exception of maybe DePaul.

A ten-team conference is relatively little for today’s supersized standards.  But the Conference wasn’t always petite, as a matter of fact, the Big East used to be morbidly obese.  At its peak in 2011, the league was bursting at the seams with 16 teams.  But in 2012, the affluent Atlantic Cost Conference (ACC) burned through the beleaguered Big East’s backyard and poached four premier programs.  Syracuse, Notre Dame, Louisville, and Pittsburgh sold their sinful souls to the devil in return for a larger paycheck and submissively surrendered to ACC control. 

After the ACC’s ransacking raid, the Big East was down… but not out.  The seven remaining Big East basketball institutions decided to break free from a football-dominated landscape and trail-blazed a sleek and slender basketball persona.  The seven schools (all Catholic) united and invited Creighton, Xavier and Butler to rejoice in a holy haven of hoops. The new ten-team Big East Conference was revamped and ready for primetime in 2013.                       

Prayers were answered when an upstart Fox Sports network filled the Big East’s collection plate with monetary offerings and provided daily vigil services to a national audience.  The clergymen pulled off another miracle by retaining the sole right to play their championship tournament at the most prestigious alter in all of basketball - The World’s Most Famous Arena, Madison Square Garden in New York City!  Nationally broadcasting every regular season game and annually hosting a championship in the Country’s media capital is extremely beneficial for national exposure and recruiting.     

On April 4th, 2016, the cold war between the Big East and ACC heated up on the hardwood once again. In the most splendid spectacle of all-time, the National Championship game, the Villanova Wildcats of the Big East clashed with the North Carolina Tar Heels of the ACC.  For true Northeast fans, nothing would be finer than watching Villanova beat Carolina.  And when the righteous Wildcats drained an improbable three-point bucket at the buzzer to sink the unholy Heels, it was sweet justice with a twist of irony.  For the born-again Big East dismissed the naysayers and got the last laugh. Villanova took home the National Championship trophy by taking down their foul foe from Tobacco Row.    

UConn to the Big East

Please pardon the parched pooch perched on the porch with a dry tongue dragging and wry tail lagging, but the dog-tired Husky has seen better days.  The UConn Husky is suffocating in the American Athletic Conference (AAC).  The AAC is a modest league of schools scattered from Connecticut to Texas, with the majority of the members located well south and west of Connecticut’s cozy campus.  Maybe that’s why the Huskies have hideously halted; Siberian Shepherds don’t fare well in southern heat.  Be that as it may, the male Husky has seen better days competing in football and basketball.

In order to improve, the hindering Husky needs a change of scenery.  He has to revive his northeastern ancestry.  It’s time for UConn to go back to the future by switching from the AAC to the born-again Big East.  Connecticut was a charter member of the Big East basketball conference in 1979.  A lot has changed since 1979, but one thing remains the same - basketball is still top dog in the Big East. 

If UConn were to flock back to their Eastern block of friends, they would have to find a new home for their football program. The Big East doesn’t sponsor football.  Maybe they could bump down to the Football Championship Subdivision (FCS) and reunite with past regional rivals in the Colonial Athletic Association - Rhode Island, New Hampshire, Maine and Villanova.  UConn and Rhode Island used to compete for the “Ramnaping Trophy” in football, playing 62 times since 1897. 

The Huskies currently play their home football games at Rentschler Field Stadium in East Harford, which is located about 24 miles away from their campus in Storrs. Their stadium lease expires on June 30, 2023. After that, the free-range Huskies can return home to Storrs or re-sign their lease in East Harford.

In any case, UConn should focus on basketball, given they experienced much more success on the maple hardwood compared to the grassy gridiron.  They only won one playoff game at the FCS level, beating the Hampton Pirates in 1998.  In the major leagues, they peaked by playing in the 2010 Fiesta Bowl, only to get smashed and bashed by the superior Oklahoma Sooners, 48-20.  UConn hasn’t won a bowl game since last decade’s Papa Johns Bowl, talk about cold pizza.  Conversely in basketball, UConn hoisted the National Championship trophy four times, and the lady Huskies hold the record for the most women’s national championships with eleven.  Now that’s a spicy meatball!

The Huskies would be all smiles if they joined the Big East

The Huskies would be enticed to rejoin the Big East, because of a richer television contract compared to the AAC.  Old rivalries would be resurrected with: Villanova, Georgetown, St. John’s, Seton Hall and the fabulous Friars of Providence.  Plus, the conference tournament is annually held at Madison Square Garden in New York City, a stone-throw from the Nutmeg State.  They’d be nuts to pass up that deal.  It’s a slam dunk.

The Big East would benefit as well, because adding Connecticut would help boost national prestige, increase their stronghold on northeast recruiting, and get more fans into the Garden come tournament time.  Plus, the Big Ten and ACC are going to adopt a 20-game conference schedule starting in 2019.  Adding UConn would bump up Big East membership to 11 teams, enabling the Big East to continue their unique round-robin schedule format (play every conference team twice in a season) and match their counterparts’ new 20-game benchmark. 

Even media moguls and coaches are speculating about an impending move.  Seth Greenberg of ESPN, based in Connecticut, proclaimed, “If I was a UConn fan I’d do everything I  can to make sure that UConn gets back in the Big East.  UConn has got to get back to the Big East where they belong.”  Jay Wright the new Godfather of Villanova basketball hinted, “I would never comment on what Connecticut should do or what the Big East would do.  But they have a great basketball relationship with all our schools.  UConn basketball is a great tradition that Villanova people have always respected.”

Are the Huskies a good fit in the Big East?  That’s as rhetorical as asking - Will snow fall in the Yukon Territory during the winter?  The Huskies are already associate members of the conference, competing in field hockey and women’s lacrosse.  So, don’t be surprised by seeing a sleigh ride of wild-eyed huskies mushing down I-95, finally heading home.   


Gangs of New York fight for Media Rights

New York is well known for greasy gyros in buns, witty Jerry Seinfeld reruns, inappropriate Anthony Weiner tweets, and tasty Nathan’s hotdog meats. The smoggy City that suffers from insomnia (aka the City that Never Sleeps) also stakes claim to the Statue of Liberty and Giants football, even though Lady Liberty and her giant entourage reside in North Jersey.  But one thing native New Yorkers rarely boast about is college football.  NYC doesn’t have a FBS team, and for good reason, the majority of sports fans in the Big Apple prefer watching professional games.  So, why are the ACC and Big Ten feebly force feeding gridiron greed on Gotham? 

The prestigious fraternity of plush ACC mascots feverishly welcomed Syracuse, Pittsburgh and Notre Dame to the conference by opening the NASDAQ stock exchange on July 1, 2013.

Who put the mascots in charge of my 401k?

In a corny publicity stunt, those same mascots ran wild around the five boroughs.  The ACC wants to cash in on America’s media capital, and hopes the citrusy Orange of Upstate New York will deliver a loyal contingent among the Empire State’s Lower East Side.  The average Joes of Tobacco Row aren’t the only ones trying to get a piece of the Big Apple pie.  The Big Ten wants to amass an elite empire following as well.  So much so, the Big Ten decided to share their rich cheddar with Rutgers in anticipation of the Scarlet Knights producing a buzz on the flipside of the Hudson. 

The Hudson skyline looks a lot different than the Clemson Tiger's native Lake Hartwell

What ACC and Big Ten management fail to realize is college football has been dormant in Hymie Town ever since Army football sunk into oblivion in the 1950’s.  Yankee Stadium hosts the Pinstripe Bowl, which will coincidently invite teams from the ACC and Big Ten, but this second-tier exhibition will be played in a reduced capacity baseball stadium on a cold winter day.  Baseball, cold weather and reduced capacity isn’t a good combination to win over a fickle football fan-base. 

Even on an autumn afternoon, when a game is played in a state of the art football facility with a top ranked team present, New Yorkers barely showed support.  The second ranked Sothern Cal Trojans played Syracuse at the new Meadowlands Stadium in a game dubbed as “New York’s College Classic” on September 7th, 2012.  Not a single spectator was found in the stadium’s massive upper deck.  The scoreboard proudly displayed Syracuse’s self proclaimed title of being, “New York’s college team” as USC made orange juice out of the scurvy-ridden ‘Cuse.  

So, where were the metropolitan fans?  Either they were swimming with the fishes off the banks of Staten Island or that game demonstrates New York’s invisible love affair with collegiate football.  And if Syracuse isn’t NYC’s adopted stepson, the State University of New Jersey surely isn’t either.  Despite a recent splash of success, Rutgers athletics has long been a laughing stock.  Big Ten management are meatheads for thinking the shady Sicilian Scarlet Knights will dish up an extra large audience in Zoo York.  Forget about it!  Jersey is the birthplace of college football and Frank Sinatra, so maybe the Big Ten decided to “send in the clowns” when they invited the Scarface Scarlets.     

The Northeast has an extremely large population, but density alone doesn’t translate into strong viewership, which is why the old Big East teams couldn’t muster up nearly as much media money as some schools located in the sparsely populated Southeast. This brings up another point; shouldn’t the ACC and Big Ten reward their loyal fans within their preexisting regional footprints rather than cater towards a distant frontier?  The mighty SEC doesn’t prance around the crowded streets of Manhattan to attract new groupies.  The SEC gained a massive national audience by winning numerous National Championships. 

Speaking of expanding regional footprints, does the Big Ten brass really think fans from the wholesome cornfields of Nebraska will embrace a trip to polluted Piscataway?  Does the ACC care about the warm weather fans from sunny South Beach who have to purchase puffy parkas for a vacation to blustery Pittsburgh?  Big Ten and ACC are banking on an optimistic prognostication that the Northeast will acquire a stronger taste for college football. But, it’s difficult to predict future sporting trends.  Past add-wizards forecasted a huge spike in fútbo viewership, yet very few Americans currently watch Monday Night Soccer.

Breakfast at Tiffany's, don't mess with the ACC or you'll find a horse's head in your bed… just ask the American Athletic Conference

The ACC didn’t learn from their experimental acquisition of Boston College in 2005.  Rather than tapping a robust northern market, the ACC found out the hard way that college ball doesn’t mix well with clam chowder and creamed filled donuts in Bean Town.  It sits fifth fiddle behind the Sox, Pats, Celtics and Bruins.  Similar to their Massachusetts neighbors, New Yorkers will not wholeheartedly warm up to amateur pigskin games.

On the bright side, New York City has a healthy addiction to college hoops, and ACC basketball will be bigger and better than ever.  Maybe the ACC commissioner wants to march his brilliant dog and pony show into the World's most famous arena.  There's only one problem, the new Big East conference retains the sole right to play their conference tournament at Madison Square Garden.  The Big East has squatter rights to the Big Apple's main stage.  Therefore fans of Carolina, Duke and Syracuse will be staring down blinking neon no-vacancy signs all across Time Square for the foreseeable future.

Don't eat that fish! 

An affluent ACC and a wealthy Big Ten have begun their quest to tame the prosperous media beast of the East.  Will those greedy gangs make a big bang, or will they water down their brand in the process?  Only time will tell.  But one thing is for sure - They must produce a readily available, highly competitive and extremely exciting sports product to attract New York’s attention, or else the City that Never Sleeps will opt to snooze through yet another shoddy off-Broadway amateur act in a New York minute.